12/31/2011

History




回望我在最初遇過甚麼。


難以相信一年又過了。
還清楚記得去年今天,左眼眼蓋離奇的腫起來,一月一日晚上開始上吐下瀉... 想起就怕了。
自那次住醫院後,我便經常提醒自己要好好注意健康。
雖然我還是沒怎麼做過運動,但飲食上的確有調節過。
現在我盡量都不會喝凍飲,每天午飯前吃個水果,這年真的比以往少了傷風感冒。

健康顧好了,但生活還是有無數跟生病一樣痛苦的難題。
那個令人傷痛的事實,在這年結束之前我終於接受了。
復元需要時間,我會慢慢來。
頭腦也得清醒,絕不可以再讓這件事掩蓋生活中其他美麗的色彩。
或者人生就是這樣,充斥着許多讓人始料不及的大小事情,還有一個個轉捩點。
未走到最後總不會知道結果是好是壞,向前走就好。

縱然今年是不太愉快的一年,但還是有值得記住的快樂時刻。
遇上了很多很多人,不論是面對面還是在網絡上認識的,在香港的或是在外地的。
相信word of mouth的人如我,因為這些人而在這年裏看了些電影,讀了些書,聽了些音樂,到了些地方,得到了不少啟發。
我覺得能夠遇上讓我感到自己什麼都不懂的人,真的很幸運。
認真回想一下,這年的一些奇遇真的很難得,我會珍惜我的運氣。

不為2012定下任何resolutions了。
經過今年的改變和衝擊,面對不同事情的心態跟以前不再一樣。
唯一希望的是自己能繼續抱着胡亂結識朋友的精神,感動別人和被別人感動。
知道在哪兒能找到溫暖,我就朝着那個方向前進。

傳聞世界末日會在2012來臨。
我跟朋友說,假如這是真的(雖然我們都不太相信),那不如趁一切消失之前甚麼都試試吧。
至於要做什麼,我暫時還沒有想到,
但機會來了的時候我想我會記得自己說過這句話,然後付諸實行。

不倒數了,晚安啦2011。

12/23/2011

I wish you love


Is everybody enjoying Christmas break so far? Not trying to spoil anyone's jolly mood, yet for some reasons I just cannot feel the fun at all this year. I know this sounds terrible, but something bad has happened to me right before this Christmas and no matter how much chocolate I eat it just wouldn't heal. While I'm going through this tough time, I still would like to wish you all a very warm and blissful holiday by sharing with you my favorite Christmas playlist. I never grow out of love with these songs. Do let me know your Christmas music picks in the comments section.


Merry Christmas, with lots and lots of love.

12/21/2011

Shell



























食量飄忽是個警號。不對勁了。

以前總是無法理解那些看起來很情緒化的人,
見到他們每天更新的status都是對世界滿懷怨恨的,我不明所以,甚至覺得他們太誇張,在搏別人同情,看到就反感。
他們怎麼可能長期處於失落的狀態?曾經我會這樣問。

原來,我想得太簡單。
不經不覺,這種愁緒已經跟着我一年時間,到這一刻依然擺脫不了。
自從那件世上最醜陋的事情發生以後,我變了,變得連我也會討厭自己。
我承認向來理想化的我對很多人和事都已無法再相信。

有許多人只不過在乎表面。
這是我從今年所發生的事情中得到的其中一個最深刻的體會。
我沒有資格批評別人,因為我自己也沒兩樣。
我何嘗不是在意別人的目光,所以甚麼都沒對別人說?
於是我繼續如常生活,裝作若無其事。 漸漸的,偽裝成為了一個習慣。
我不喜歡虛偽的人,但我又無法阻止自己成為他們的一分子。
結果是,面對着自己最親的朋友,也不能坦誠的說話。

然而,我欺騙的不只是身邊的人,還有自己。
我試着讓自己忘記傷痛,不斷的去玩去吃去瘋狂,最終也沒有達到療傷的效果。
快樂與否,只有獨自在街上走路,或是躺臥在床上,或是洗澡的時候,才會真正的意識得到。
可以選擇的話,我都寧願一個人。
沒有任何包袱,又不怕自己的負能量會傳給別人。
我需要安安靜靜的。

打這一篇的時候,心裏還是隱隱作痛,思緒仍然十分混亂。
回不去了,從前的那個我。
今年流過的眼淚多得有幾年加起來的份量。
當一切你最相信的都幻滅了,多做甚麼也無法補救。
是的,我變得脆弱了,細微如一個眼神,一下呼喝,一句歌詞也足以令我久鬱不歡,也愈來愈容易無名火起。
但同時,我又變得強了。經歷過這件事,以後再也沒有甚麼能夠更傷我的心。
失戀,考不進大學,世界末日,震撼程度都不會及得上這件事。 電影情節都不及我在現實中所遇到的荒謬。
或者其實我沒有變強,而是變得麻木了。

這樣一篇文章是會令人生厭的。
我知道,所以我在這邊寫,因為這裏有屬於我自己的步伐。
雖然生活變得渾渾噩噩了,但我體內僅餘的樂觀因子還是鼓勵着我繼續尋找溫暖。
也許他們不曾為意,但他們確實是最近讓我感到平靜和快樂的人,謝謝你們。

12/17/2011

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions


Thank God it's Christmas break. My workload last week was completely insane. In the past seven years of my secondary school life I have never ever had so much essays to finish in a week. I guess I've been using Words too often these days that some days ago I ummm, mistook its icon as Google Chrome's. So I know this holiday is not supposed to be so much fun and that it should be dedicated to revision. Still, I'll be allowing myself to do things that I love and meet people I love. Just CANNOT WAIT to see my favorite bunch next week! Almost everybody has returned home :-) For now, let me do this tagging game as I've been tagged by Joy, one of my favorite bloggers who inspire a lot.

Rules:
1. You must post these rules.
2. Each per­son must post 11 things about them­selves on their blog.

3. Answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post, and cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
4. You have to choose 11 peo­ple to tag and link them on the post.5. Go to their page and tell them you have linked him or her.
6. No tag backs.
7. No stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ You legit­i­mately have to tag 11 people.

Rebel. Since there isn't any curse for not sticking to these rules, I'm gonna break some. Haha! The fact is that I don't have much blogger friends so I'm not tagging anybody. I'll still create 11 questions though. Anyone who read them by chance could answer any of them in the comments section below or post them on their blogs.

11 Things About Myself:
  1. I never really like eating potato chips. As far as I can remember, I haven't bought myself a pack of chips since forever.
  2. I hoard all sorts of things: decorative tapes, stickers, posters, notebooks, pouches, tote bags, boxes, shopping bags and tags. What else? You name it.
  3. That contributes to the super messiness of my room. Yes, it's time to start cleaning up.
  4. I wear my Holly Golightly ring every day except on school days.
  5. I love writing and receiving postcards and letters. It makes me happy and proud to see the pile of them growing.
  6. When I was a kid, I used to think that the bass guitar produces no sounds at all. (What a joke.) It wasn't until I watched School of Rock that I know the importance of bass tunes. Respect for all bassists out there!
  7. I listen to the radio so much more than I watch the television. 
  8. I have a thing for Union Jack and polka dots.
  9. Just like how Tavi has her shrine to Hole and Courtney Love, I've got mine in my room which is dedicated to two of my favorite bands, Wildchild and flumpool
  10. Sophisticated as it might sound, my favorite colours are burgundy, turquoise and mustard yellow.
  11. I enjoy spending time on my own. I've tried going to new places/ eating/ watching a gig without anyone accompanying. I might as well go to the cinema by myself.
Questions from Joy:
  1. If you could be anyone for a day (could be fictional/historical), who would it be? 
    Definitely Audrey Hepburn. I loved her even more after I had finished reading
     Fifth Avenue, 5 A.M. (It's a real nice book btw).
  2. Field Notes or Moleskines?
    Moleskines! I love using my cardboard red cahier journals.
  3. What is the last thing you ate?
    Super delicious ramen from Menya Musashi. Honestly they make the world's most delicious ramen. I visit them every time I go to Tokyo, first thing after I arrived. I'm so surprised and glad that they set up their first oversea branch here in HK.
  4. If you can be anywhere you want right now, where would it be? 
    Please throw me to Harajuku. I'm missing every street there.
  5. If you could go back in time and change any historical event, what would it be?
    I wish John Lennon had never been shot and killed 31 years ago.
  6. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe right now?
    Oh no, this is hard. Right now it might be the red wool cardigan with gold buttons from Zara. It's very christmassy.
  7. Which would you prefer if you had to pick either one, Zara or H&M?
    Another difficult one. Zara maybe? More expensive yet better quality. Fewer outfit clashes.
  8. Morning person or night owl?
    Night owl forever. I'm the kind of person who never get things started till deadline's approaching (I always manage to meet deadlines though..), which means I've always been depriving myself from sleep. Indeed, I feel more energized at night than in the morning.
  9. What is the last thing you do before you go to bed?
    Very mundanely, checking if there're any notifications on my phone.
  10. Favorite smell in the world? (No perfumes allowed)
    I don't really have one but I do like the smell of blown candles. Weird isn't it?
  11. Most important lesson learnt in 2011?
    Ugly things happen, but embrace them. It's true when people say "whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger." 
My Questions:
  1. What are you favorite bookmarks on the web?
  2. Handwritten or typed? (Anything from assignments to letters and notes)
  3. What is your cell phone wallpaper right now?
  4. What would you do when you cannot sleep?
  5. What is your favorite lyrics?
  6. A childhood TV program you loved so much that you wish it would air again?
  7. What do you have for breakfast?
  8. Who is your muse?
  9. Do you hoard anything? If so, what is it?
  10. Where is your favorite place at school?
  11. What is your greatest music discovery of 2011?

12/06/2011

They said it changes when the sun goes down

Strolling in the breeze


































非常感謝Lomography Asia,我這個小小的blog有幸被挑選入圍,參與這次LoBlography Hong Kong Challenge
我跟其餘幾位bloggers每人獲借一部La Sardina,可以在兩星期的期限內用這部相機盡情拍照。
我們在前陣子的簡介會上以抽籤形式分配相機。
其實La Sardina這系列中的所有款式都很好看,要選一款我最喜愛的話,就是黑黃色千島格的Quadrat了。
竟然真的就讓我抽中了這個款式,好喜歡!
除此以外,我們每人更獲贈三卷菲林呢。而我抽到的三卷都是ISO 800的負片。

剛踏進十二月便忙得喘不過氣來。
對呀,學生要做的雖然只是功課和溫習,但一樣一樣加起來,工作量還真的可以很沉重,看同學們一對對黑眼圈就知道了。
但再忙也要有休息的時候,生活總需要有平衡。
於是我上星期去了一趟Detour,暫時放下課本,讓自己置身於最美好的藝術世界中。
周五的黃昏,在冬天的微涼中散步是最好不過的節目。

拿着La Sardina參觀這個展覽也為我帶來有趣的經歷。
這部沙甸魚相機吸引了一位韓國artist走過來跟我對話,說她也很喜歡toy cameras,而且擁有Holga和Lomography的Fisheye呢。









這些就是我第一回用La Sardina拍下的照片。
大概是沒有帶同Fritz the Blitz Flash和沒有好好運用B快門的緣故,大部分照片都曝光不足。
吸取經驗,拍下一卷的時候要多加留意了。